I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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