She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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