The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
