im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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