Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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