I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
