He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
