yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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