I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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