It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
