I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
