i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
