i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
