He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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