But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
