Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
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I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
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3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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