Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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