Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
