Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
