If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
