Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my poor anus
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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