We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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