Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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