So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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