My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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