bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize