we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
