I wanna bring you to show and tell
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
