Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Drake has all the answers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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