Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.