I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.