In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs