yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!