Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town