He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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