Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize