hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
