You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
