We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
