if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
