Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
