I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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