on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
