he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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