I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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