I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
