the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
