wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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