i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
