I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
