drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
