I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
