he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
