Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Mom said you looked used
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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