last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
