Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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