1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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