Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
