i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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