mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
