dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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