but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
