the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
