I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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